Tuesday, February 21, 2012

In Which I Pep-Talk Myself

Ok world, fair warning, Nik is going to mope a bit and try to cheer himself up.  Today was not an easy day to stay motivated, nor was it a particularly satisfying day in my quest to get physically fit.  The odd part is, looking at the day objectively, it really should've been great.

This morning the scale smiled at me and told me that I'm on track for my weight loss goal.  My clothes are noticeably looser, and I'm doing a great job staying on my weight watchers plan.  So I was actually feeling pretty good about myself, until this evening when somebody snapped a picture of me and the same old pudgy face showed up on the screen.  And honestly, it kind of sucked.  I mean, logically I know that losing 7 pounds when you're starting from 50 pounds overweight isn't really going to be a noticeable change.  And by objective measures (the aforementioned scale and clothes) I'm doing great.  I guess I was just expecting ... something.  Some noticeable change towards a less pudgy Nik.  Couldn't see it, though :(

So, after that rather demoralizing revelation, I had a choice.  I could go home and mope, or I could go to the gym.  And I'll be honest, I did NOT want to go.  Cardio is getting easier, but lifting is still very much a chore.  I know eventually it'll get more enjoyable (at least it will if my sister is any indication), but right now it's not, I was tired, plus I now had the whole "why am I doing this if I can't see results" thought stuck in my head from the pudgy-pic earlier on.  Somehow, though, I forced myself to go, and I got in a solid 40 minutes of lifting before I had to stop (my body isn't used to that much exertion yet and I get queasy after a while).  After the gym, knowing that I had used up a lot of points with the 2 beers I had at a welcome-back party (kept my hands off the apps though, yay!), I stopped at Kroger and got a package of lettuce, then took it home and made a healthy salad for dinner that kept me under my daily point limit.

So I guess the verdict for today is victory, even though right now it doesn't really feel like one.  I know I made some good decisions today and kept on the path even though I didn't want to, and I know tomorrow I'll feel great (and sore, which I love).  It just doesn't really FEEL like I accomplished anything today or that I'm making progress.  Gotta stick with it though - I know I really am making progress, that it'll get easier, and that powering through days like this is ultimately what will get me to where I want to be.   Soon enough pudgy-pic-nik will be a thing of the past!

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