Friday, December 31, 2010

I have a Problem

It really takes a lot to man up and admit this, but they say the first step towards recovery is admission, so here goes:

I have a Jersey Shore Problem. Like Brokeback, I just ... can't ... quit ... it! As you first start watching these people go through life, you're forced to wonder: is it all an act? People can't really be this way, can they??? And then slowly it dawns on you that they may not have been exactly that way before, but the seeds were there, and all the camera's done is let them flourish into the beautiful, exotic, poison-venomed invasive species that they are today. If you think about it, they've accomplished a rather impressive feat. Just like invasive flora and fauna, they're ruining life for themselves and everyone around them, but they're having a hell of a party and eating up every free resource while doing it. They've managed to build themselves a universe where everything is about them and no one else ... all implicitly premised on the undeniable fact that it's actually all about the 20 million people watching them every week.

It's a fascinating and captivating documentary into what we, as a species, are capable of turning ourselves into if circumstances allow. You watch with a mixture of awe and horror. It takes a trainwreck's captivating power, mixes it with some fake tan lotion, and slathers it onto 4 ripped guys who never wear a shirt. How can you NOT watch???

So if I see a Jersey Shore link, I have ... to ... click. And this morning, I was directed thus: New Years Eve will go down in Jersey Shore for Snooki

The crux is that Snooki was going to come down in a glass ball (not THE glass ball) in Times Square, but then NYC found out about it and told them hell no. So she (and MTV) moved it to the site where it all began: Jersey Shore. You should definitely click on the link and read the whole thing, but here are the BEST parts:

[Snooki] will drop inside a ball on New Year's Eve in a location where she has fallen before: The Jersey Shore.
Ewww....

The location has been switched to Seaside Heights, N.J., where season 1 and the upcoming season 3 of Jersey Shore were filmed.
There's an upcoming Season 3?? Joygasm! I wonder which of the boys got the most ripped over the break??

"She cannot be denied," MTB said in a statement.
I have a horrible, terrible feeling that this may actually be true. And yet I SOOO want someone to try...

"It was never intended or requested for Snooki to be in the actual New Year's Eve Ball in Times Square," the producers say in a statement.
Thank god some things remain sacred.

No word on if her costars, who planned to attempt a Guinness world record-breaking fist-pumping marathon, will hold up their end of the deal
Such a thing exists? And we give out records for it?

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Don't quit your day job, Amazon

I was on Amazon.com doing some late Christmas shopping, and after I completed my order Amazon recommended I create a personal 'payphrase' that I could use to turn on express ordering. Amazon even went so far as to come up with a potential phrase:

Um, yeah. Not quite Amazon, not quite.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Virginia's Continuing Nosedive on Gay Rights

Oh Virginia, how I love your displays of idiocy
MANASSAS, Va. (WUSA) -- Conservative delegate Bob Marshall says he will introduce a measure in the Virginia House of Delegates that would ban practicing homosexuals from serving in the state's National Guard

"It's a distraction when I'm on the battlefield and have to concentrate on the enemy 600 yards away and I'm worried about this guy whose got eyes on me ... If I needed a blood transfusion and the guy next to me had committed sodomy 14 times in the last month I'd be worried"

Bob Marshall ... now where have I heard that name before? Oh, right:
Marshall is one of the most conservative delegates in the Virginia state legislature. His claims to fame include writing Virginia's constitutional amendment defining marriage as heterosexual and outlawing civil unions.

"One of the most conservative delegates in the Virginia state legislature" is the polite way to put it. Lunatic homophobe who thinks gays are The End of Civilization is another. His amendment didn't just define marriage as heterosexual and eliminate civil unions, it also specifically invalidates any private legal contracts between gay couples that may attempt to approximate the benefits of marriage. Think about that for a second. This guy hates gays so much, he can't allow them to see each other in the hospital, to appear together at parent/teacher conferences, or even to designate each other as beneficiaries of each others' wills. *Sigh.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Productive (and oddly relaxing) Weekend

Wow, for the first time in a long time, I really feel like I had a relaxing weekend, and strangely enough, it wasn't any less busy than any of my previous weekends for the past couple months or so. I was always doing something: running errands, moving boxes, driving places, sorting paperwork, shoveling snow, doing chores, etc. I'm exhausted, and yet very very relaxed. Why?

I think the big difference is that this week I got to do what I felt needed to be done, vs the past few weekends where all the stuff I had to do (like work and parties and everything else) just felt like it was getting in the way. My part of my life is now much much better, and the difference that made is huge.

So ... the list!
Shovel the sidewalks - DONE
Emptied out old apt and turned in keys - DONE
Sorted through stacks of papers and actioned the ones that needed it - DONE
Sorted through stacks of papers and got the rest organized - DONE
Many gifts checked off my x-mas list - DONE
Laundry - DONE
Cleaned the office / guest room - DONE
Refilled prescription - DONE
Cleaned a bunch of dishes that were stacking up - DONE
DADT Repealed - DONE

Ok, that last one wasn't really my accomplishment, but I'll celebrate it just the same. :) Plus - Eagles WON, Steelers LOST, and there's nothing that I have to do for work tomorrow besides show up and take care of loose ends. Now there's nothing to do except curl up with the cat on the couch, and watch the Packers/Patriots game while drinking some hot tea. Ahh.. relaxation.

Oh, and snow!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Future is Here

This is just absolutely amazing. It was less than 10 years ago that I got my first cell phone ... one of those monochrome flip phones where you had to pull out the antenna to get good reception. It was cutting edge at the time. Less than 10 years later, I've got a universal translator in the palm of my hand.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Saturday, December 04, 2010